Ho Ho Ho

Christmas this year was fun. Miles was very into the whole idea and for the weeks building up to it would shout when he saw Christmas lights on neighborhood houses, "Christmas Lights!! It's Christmas Time!!" As well as knew that although it was Christmas time, it wasn't Christmas day and therefore not time to open presents.

For the almost two weeks leading up to the day we have had terrible weather. Being an Alaskan girl I look at the snow and think "so what?" and then remember that Oregon cities do not have the equipment or personnel to deal with snow, and that Oregon drivers think they know how to drive in it but don't and my reaction is that I am better off staying home warm and safe. Miles had a week at home because his daycare was closed and by Saturday even with the falling snow we decided to go to Portland and visit Nina, Loki and Carter. They had a lot of fun in the snow.

Miles is a bit like me, he likes the snow but didn't want to be out in it all day. He had his fill and then came in for some snuggles. We had planned to hit Kelly's for a holiday party the next day but the weather was getting bad enough that we headed home Sunday morning instead. We made it fine, but it was slow going with chains.

Around 430 on Sunday we were all cozy and warm when we heard this very loud, very strange noise come from outside. Then it happened again. Going outside we see some neighbors out to investigate as well. The noise is coming from the transformer up the street. There are now sparks etc flying out occasionally. Mitch and I unplugged our computers and waited. We didn't have to wait very long. Sparks flew and the tree was on fire. At this time I was trying to call PGE, which is what the news had said to do, and of course no one answered. Then I tried the police non-emergency number where because of a long menu of choices I was unable to get a person before I was told of the tree being on fire. So I dialed 911, it was busy. Redial, busy again. Redial, got through to a recorded message telling me to wait. By now the transformer has exploded in huge brightly colored flasshes of light and noise and the power has gone out. As I am waiting a police car drives up the street. I hang up. I get a call back within ten minutes from 911 and I explain the situation, she thanks me says an officer is on site and hangs up. We are in the dark.

After handing Miles a flashlight we pack up our things and head to my mom's. On Monday we come home to check it out, still no power. The cat is totally freaked out, we pack her up to take to my mother in laws. We also throw away stuff from the fridge, resuce what we can. Get more clothes and head out. Although not snowing at the moment the roads were quite slushy and slippery. When we get to Linda's I am getting the cat out of the backseat and Miles is climbing through the front to get out, I shut the door, on his fingers....I am a terrible mom and should be beaten. I am always so caeful to watch for where his hands are and this one time I don't and he gets hurt. We put snow and then ice on them. He can move them, theres no broken skin, he calms down. Turned into a bruise and thats about it, I still feel awful though. We settle in the cat, head to the drugstore for tylenol for Miles and hit McDonalds for a happy meal.

Now we are just heading back to my moms on the ither side of town. Its starting to snow again and we have ditched our thought to go to the mall. Then a chain flies off our car, I pull into a parking lot which happens to have an auto supply store, they are out of our size. So we head on with one chain. Stop at another store, they are also out of our size. Finally get back to my moms and settle in with drinks all around.

Tuesday. I have to go to work. Mitch drives me downtown where a coworker picks me up in his truck. The drive out was slow and slippery but we made it. Mitch had to go to work too but was delayed. Miles' daycare was open for awhile as well. There was no-one at the museum. We left around 430 and only almost went off the road once. But the power was now back on at my house so we could all go home. The roads were decent enough that I could run out and finish some Christmas shopping.

Wednesday. Christmas Eve. We did have some shopping to still do so made some quick runs in the morning. The roads were mostly clear, just wet.

Christmas Day was great. Miles woke up around 715 and was very excited by his stocking ans his presents. We then went to Linda's for brunch and more presents. Then to my moms for dinner and of course, more presents. Dinner was wonderful. My Grammie was there and a good time was had by all. The parking lot was a mess and we almost didn't make it out with the ice and the slanted driveway, but we did.

Saw Mitch's dad and family day after. They all seem well. Mitch got to play tech support for the new computer.

Some pics of Miles Christmas morning at our house. He made out like a bandit.

Dead Jim

When I was a little girl my Uncle Jim sent his wife and children to the store and then shot himself in their kitchen. A terrible thing to do, a terrible way to die, he was apparently a terrible man. My aunt is much better off without him in her life and so are my cousins. But, it doesn’t excuse the selfishness of his actions and the negative energy that he sent into their lives that permeates to this day. I would assume that it has been since that day that in the family he has been known as Dead Jim. I am not quite sure how it started and whether it was a way to delineate him from another Alive Jim or if it was just how my family found a way to cope with a horrible thing.

Many of his clothes, including a horrendously ugly 1970’s polyester suit went to my father. For some reason my dad loved this suit, and for many years he would wear “Dead Jim’s Suit” for certain types of special occasions. He was finally convinced to get rid of it I believe some time in the 90’s…..

The reason I think of this today is because of Curtis. My friend Curtis who died in 2006 was a good guy, married to one of my best friends. We all liked him. He took photos at my wedding, made the day memorable and special. He was diagnosed with cancer and about 6 months later he passed away leaving behind his wife and one year old son. We miss him and think about him often.

Christina, his widow, recently cleaned out all of Curtis’s clothes and gave many items to my husband. Luckily no double knit polyester suits that should really only be burned. This morning Mitch asked me what I thought of the sweater he had put on. We are going to my company holiday party tonight so he was trying to look nice. It was a very nice sweater and one I had not seen before so I asked where he had gotten it. He said it was one of Curtis’s. While I was driving to work I was thinking about Mitch and the clothes that used to belong to Curtis and although I know Christina gave them to him, I wonder how she actually feels when she sees them on him. Does it make her think of Curtis? Does she get sad? Is she happy someone can use them? Then I thought of Dead Jims Suit, and I had to wonder what my Aunt Lane thought every time she would see her brother wearing the suit of a man who not only hit her but then took his own life, shattering hers. Although the sweater technically no longer belongs to Curtis, and the suit no longer belongs to Dead Jim, they still do in a way. What does that mean to the living?

Many cultures through history and around the world will bury their dead with all of their earthly belongings so that they will have them in the afterlife. I must wonder if that is the full true reason, or if it also may simply have hurt too much to keep using the belongings of the dead in their everyday lives, when that person was no longer there. I hate to think what I would do if someone that close to me died, but I don’t know that I would be able to keep that much around. I have some items of my Grandfathers but I don’t use them and tend to keep them hidden away. A friend I grew up with died about 5 years ago and I have some little miniatures that he gave me one Christmas that I also have hidden away in a drawer. Every time I see them I get sad that he is gone, but smile at the memory of that Christmas, the last time I saw him.

The dead leave trails in our lives. Their spirits linger, we have strong memories brought about through dreams, smells and images. But they also leave their junk behind, and what is the best thing to do with it. Should we throw it out on the lawn and put up a sign “free dead guys stuff”? Or should we keep it close and hold on to their essence and their smell that they have left behind. Should it be different whether we loved them or hated them, or hated to love them as the case may be?

wow, what a month

I know it has been forever since I posted. Its been quite a month. I will do my best to sum up over the next couple of days so that it is all down for posterity or whatever.

First thing: Mitch and I got IPhone's....part of the reason I have been a bad blogger. I have hardly touched my poor laptop since I got the phone. It has started wearing sexy lingerie to try and catch my eye, but unfortunately the petite little thing that fits in my pocket has been my technological mistress. I still love the laptop, but I also love my IPhone. Is it okay to be polyamourous when it comes to your computer devices? I have promised to pay more attention to the laptop, it is better for certain things over the IPhone. Such as writing long emails and updating my blogs.

Miles turned 3 on October 28th. He is so amazing. Everyday he comes up with new things to say that surprise, delight and shock me. The least favorite is his imitation of Mitch's "god dammit" he will say it over and over usually at very appropriate times. This morning he mad eme laugh with his response to my question, "would you like to say good morning to your Aunt Mel?" (we were talking on the phone) He answered, "no, I want to TALK to her" Children are so literal. Its fun and a challenge to find the right way to ask a question or explain something to him so that we actually understand each other.

His allergy to the cat seems to be getting worse. It forces me to think about giving her to a good home where she would be loved and not causing suffering in the allergic. We have been able to keep Miles' room mostly cat free. She is not allowed to get on the bed in there. But she sleeps on the couch and on our bed and he really enjoys pettign her occasionally. Other occasions he wants to be a three year old boy and throw things at her.

He loves to read books and sing songs. He likes to paint, color and do crafts. He also wants to be a ninja turtle. He declared the other day that Santa Claus was brining him a ninja turtle for christmas. Guess I have to find one now.

On a closing note for today. I was at Target today, a store which I find great joy in just wandering. I was exploring the toy section to see what Miles might like and I saw something there that made me realize that I am officially old. There was a 25th anniversary special edition of a cabbage patch doll. 25 years! I remember the christmas that all I wanted was a cabbage patch doll. I remember it so well. Can it really be 25 years ago? How can that be? I am old, old old.....

It's the Great Pumpkin!!

My hubby and I just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. Per our usual we went to the coast for a night away from child and household chores. The weather this year, as is every year in Oregon, absolutely gorgeous. We love October, the leaves, the crispness to the air, everything about it. This year the anniversary fell on a Saturday. I normally have to work Saturdays, so I finangled my way into a day off.....So you can imagine how excited and happy I was to be truly free on a Saturday for the first time in almost 6 months. Lets just say I was being pretty silly.

So there we are driving to the coast and there is some traffic, as I pass a vehicle I notice a truck up ahead with something large and round strapped down in back...it is also orange. "Is that a pumpkin?" I say. My hubby agrees that it looks like. So I put on some acceleration and I caught up to that truck, and indeed, it was a pumpkin. Not just any pumpkin, but probably the largest pumpkin I have ever seen. I am fascinated.

Molly: "where do you think the pumpkin is going?"
Mitch: "to the coast apparently"
Molly: "What is it going to do there?"
Mitch: "I really wouldn't know."
Molly: "it's big enough to make into a playhouse for small children"
Mitch: "yes, I suppose it is"
Molly: "Imagine the pumpkin pie you could make out of that thing"
Mitch: (starting to wonder if I am high or something) "I doubt it would taste very good"
Molly: "why is it going to the coast?"
Mitch: "maybe its going to the casino"
Molly: "maybe they will split it in two and hollow out the seeds and make two little boats to sail on the ocean"
Mitch: "you are being very silly"

And the conversation continued. Occasionally we would change topic but it would always come back to the amazing pumpkin up ahead of us. We guessed that it ways upwards of 1000 lbs...who know show much actually. As we got close to Lincoln City I lost track of the truck....we guessed that it indeed turned off at the casino.....later in the day they dropped the pumpkin onto a jeep demolishing both. (we learned from the marquee at the casino)

That made me sad. I wish I had a picture of the pumpkin.

I know I just posted but.......

I love this picture, something about it just makes me happy.

too nice

I believe my boss has been told to be nice to me or else. The last few days have been almost eerie with his very sincere sounding offers to help and support what I am doing. I would love to know what was actually said to him. I mentioned to one of he other directors today that he has been very nice to me, and her response was, "well, he has to be" with a funny little smile on her face. I want to have faith that it will last and that things will be better, but I am not convinced just yet. Plus, I am not sure its good enough. I should be a good soul and give it a chance.

On a different note, I am trying to take more charge of me. I am taking a guitar class and loving it. I am sewing and writing and drawing more. I am dreaming more too...allowing myself to have fantasies of my perfect world....if I can figure out what that is, perhaps I can get myself there.

Stuck

I hate my job...well, not the job so much, as I hate my boss and many of the things that are part of the company. So, I need to get out of it and I don't know how. When I was laid off a year ago I had such a hard time finding work. It scares the breath out of me to think of looking for work and not finding it and being stuck where I am forever. I have had this terrible feeling in my stomach all morning and I just don't know how to deal with it. When the job I have now came along I thought it was meant to be and the solution. But I am miserable and I hate every minute I am there.

Yum

possibilities are delicious. I don't want to say much more than that...don't want to jinx anything. But Mitch applied for a job, and if he gets it, life could change in many ways....good ways I think. But we'll see.

Onward and Upward

Or at least that's the general idea. My husband and I both know what the final goal is. To move back to Portland. Getting there is the problem. We are not happy with our current home. Its a great little house but the simple fact is that we have a neighbor who likes to play his golden oldies really loudly on really bad speakers. We can hear it in the house over the noisy window air conditioner. I can sort of zen it out most of the time. Mitch however cannot stand it...it gets to him very badly. So in short we need to move because nothing we have done will change our neighbor. We have asked him to turn it down...met with belligerent "I can do what I want" response swearing included. We have called the police...when they finally got here he was gone. He is fairly nice when we see him in passing, waving or nodding hello....he is just completely unaware of the effect his music has on the people around him.

Neighbor issues set aside the goal is to move to Portland. We can't afford to rent or buy another place while we still own this one.....so we are hit with a dilemma. The housing market sucks right now...do we try to sell it now anyways and see what happens? Or, do we live here and look for jobs in Portland and commute if needed for a while so we at least are established up there (and neither of us love our current jobs as it is). But is commuting with the gas prices as they are too much of a hardship?

Stupid economy, stupid money. I suppose we should be happy that we have a house that we can afford and jobs that are somewhat secure (Mitch's anyway). But it is our nature to want what we don't have. So how do we get it?

I was wrong

He can't walk this morning....crap

being selfish

Mitch hurt himself today, he fell and twisted his ankle. Its not swelling and it does not appear to be broken but it hurts. We have spent the weekend til now at a friends house and he was supposed to head home today with Miles while I stay here and visit with some other friends in Portland tomorrow. The loving giving nurturing wifely thing to do would be to give up the night to myself minus the husband and child and enjoy sleeping in before a fun day with a friend I haven't seen in 13 years. But I didn't. Am I a terrible person? I don't think so. There is some guilt. But if I had gone home I would have been incredibly grouchy and resentful. What is the right thing to do in this situation? I have been so tired lately and having trouble putting up with my husband and his moods. I have been looking forward to this night and tomorrow for a couple of weeks and I very seriously did not want to give that up. I suppose that whether Mitch having to take care of Miles for the next 24 hours is harmful to the health of his ankle would be the real indicator of how horribly selfish I am really being. Honestly, I feel like he will be fine and that he needs to man up and deal...but then again...I am not wanting to sacrifice my own desires to be there tonight. There is no real answer.

at loose ends

Here I am with no husband at home tonight and the toddler is sound asleep (in my bed, but hey, little victories) and I have no clue what to do with myself. I feel like I should be taking full advantage of this time to not have anyone to answer too. But I have not a clue. There is nothing on TV so I can't even watch a stupid show that Mitch usually makes fun of me for. I have nothing from netflix that I can watch without him. I could read my book, but ehhhh....I dunno....I have been craving some time to be creative and start sewing again, or paint a picture or write...but I have no desire to do so. I will admit I am tired, and I had a tough day (sick toddler and asshole boss) so perhaps I deserve an evening of mindless internet surfing etc...but it feels like a waste.

If only I had more energy.

Yes, we have no bananas...

So, my friend Kelly suggested this quiz. I have a hard time judging myself for accuracy, but it seems pretty good....

You Are a Banana

You are mellow, easy going, and a total softie on the inside. People find it really easy to get along with you. You suit most tastes. And while you're very sweet, you're not boring or ordinary. You have an attraction to the exotic, and you could show up anywhere... doing almost anything! You are spirited, energetic, and a total kick to be around. You're also quite funny. Your sense of humor is on the goofy side, and it fits you well.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

Boys have a penis and girls have vaginas

My husband was giving Miles a bath the other night. I was reading on the couch enjoying some moments of quiet. All of a sudden Miles yells from the bathroom. "Mami!!!" "Yes Miles", I replied. "Do you have a big penis?" he hollers back. "What!!!???"

Apparently Mitch had asked Miles how his penis was, it was red or something...and Miles replied, "I have a small penis, you have a big penis" to which Mitch said (jokingly), "you will have to ask your Mom about that"....

mothers and daughters

My mom and I have always had a pretty good relationship. By that I mean that we have a great ability to spend time together without any fighting like most mothers and daughters, and that we have some common interest in books, movies and music. I like my mom, she is starting to get a little weird and that drives me crazy, but I do like her.

Recently while my sister was visiting we were talking about childhood issues and it came out how I was always expected to allow my brother to have whatever he wanted and I just had to deal. Example: When I was in middle school my mom had a lot of meetings and was gone in the evenings quite a bit. So, she would leave my brother and I an easy dinner to either make (meaning I made it) or already made. The most common one in my memory is Hamburger Helper Cheeseburger Macaroni......Now I happen to like hamburger helper to an extent, it helped me survive college but to this day I hate with a passionate loathing - Cheeseburger Macaroni. I believe there are a few reasons for this. 1) I had to prepare and eat way to much in those middle school years. 2) I never really liked it anyway, but it was what my brother liked. And that is the one that gets me....it didn't matter what it was, if Mitch wanted it he got it...my feelings on the matter were not important. I remember a night that my mom was getting ready to leave for her meeting and telling me that we would have the nasty ass cheeseburger mac for dinner and me telling her that I hate the stuff. Her response was that "Mitch likes it, so thats what we are having" Of course this could be me rewriting the memory, but thats what I remember....

This is just an example...most things were this way. What we watched on tv, what movies we rented, if I made something for myself (like cookies) I was expected to share no matter what. One time I was so mad at him for being a jerk over my not wanting to share jello with him (yes, jello) - basically I had friends coming over, I made jello as our dessert my dear brother insisted on having some and his response to my no was to hit me and take it anyways. So, I put some of the jello under his pillow knowing that when he climbed into bed he would slide his arm under said pillow to get comfortable. It was great and he was so mad...I of course got into trouble but to this day I think it was worth it.

Back to the point. I was at my moms the other day and she brought up these feelings of resentment I have. She is worried that she and I don't have the relationship that she thought we did because I have hidden anger against her. I explained that I don't really have any anger towards her...I don't even hate my brother the way I used to. I also had to explain to her that because when I was much smaller I had promised her I would never give her the grief that Mitch and Mel did that I tired very hard all my life to not be a pain, to be sweet and kind and giving. And that meant that I sacrificed my own comfort in many situations. I didn't always hold up my promise (see jello incident) but for the most part that has been my role in the family. It wasn't until I was pregnant with Miles that I started to assert myself, and that was only because it wasn't for me, it was for my child.

When Miles is all grown am I going to be worried that things I did to him as a child will still be affecting our relationship? I suppose that will depend on what kind of relationship we have. My mom and I do have a good thing, I even consider her a friend. But at the same time she doesn't really and truly know who I am and where I come from. So many things in my life I have never shared with her or with anyone in my family. I am uniquely me and the role I play when I am the daughter or the sister is not necessarily the true me, just like when I am "employee" or "neighbor" or whatever....they are all parts of the roles we play in life and how we live up to the expectations of those we seek love and approval from. Deep down I am still me, they are all aspects of me. Is this wrong? Doesn't everyone live that way?

The wildness within

I am restless. I am finding myself bored with the predictability of my days. There is a desire to get in the car and just drive and see where it takes me. To quit my job and see what I can do to piece together the income that is needed.

Now don't worry, this is not a desire to flee my family. I am so completely in love with my husband that even on the days where he drives me crazy I wouldn't dream of taking off on adventures without him. And of course the same goes for Miles. How could anyone ever abandon their children? Miles is such a huge part of my heart and my soul. I wonder some f this restlessness is more a product of my worry that we don't give him enough variety in his experiences. He is a child of routine and pattern and I want him to be able to be free spirited and adaptable to crazy new fun experiences.

We went to the state fair yesterday and I think Miles enjoyed it, but he was so uncertain of this new situation that he wanted to be carried the entire time by Mitch and I...that was no fun. But then again, he is not even three yet, I know as he gets older he will be less shy in new situations...or at least I hope so. But what if he doesn't? What if he is always nervous and clingy when we meet new people or go to new places? Have I been too protective of him?

What I would love is to be able to say to my family, "pack the car, we are going on an adventure" and have no argument, no trouble and just have fun. And that it wouldn't matter where we end up. At the end of it we could come home dirty and tired but incredibly relaxed and happy.

Phhhbbbttthhhhhttt.........

updated, so there.

nothing to see here...

Apparently I have been absent from my life for the past month. As friend nudged me for not updating in awhile I guess I will do so.....where am I? hmmmm....

Work: I like my job...and I like the majority of the people I work with. I find it could be my absolute dream job if it weren't for the bullshit. and I am knee deep in it....I will get into that more later. My main work concern is my inability to write a stupid script for a presentation on the Battle of Britain....I know I can do it, but for some reason I keep stopping myself. Grrrrrr!

Family: My sister and nephew were just in town from Alaska, it was good to see them. My mom and big sis now seem to think I harbour deep seated resentment against my brother and mom for the way I was treated as a kid. I der know, maybe I do. Does it really matter now that I am an adult?

Spouse: I love my husband, he is a dear sweet fella who does way more for me than any wife should or could expect from a partner, and I don't nearly appreciate it enough. And he drives me crazy.....

Miles: My child is 2.....need I say more? I suppose I can. He peed on me the other day. On purpose. He was mad at me that I wouldn't let him play with the giant mag-lite and since he was already naked he aimed and peed. Little shithead. I love him anyway. And today I can laugh about it. Time to teach him the "use your words" thing....not that using your words ever makes you feel better when you feel wronged.

Health: I have a terrible cough that is living in my chest and will not vacate. All my coworkers think I am on deaths door and about to drop at any moment. I feel fine, really, I just sound like an asthmatic tb patient who has been smoking for 50 years.

Lets see.....anything else? not at the moment.

Extraction

I used to have nightmares where all my teeth would break and fall out. Upon waking I would be incredibly stressed out. It was horrible. I am not sure what those dreams meant, I always figured that it was a symbol of losing something, or of bad health...not really sure. But now, in real life I am losing a tooth because it has broken twice now and it just can't hold up to the stress anymore. I never thought I would be starting to go toothless at my age and it makes me really sad to be losing a part of myself that I have had for so long. Funny, I didn't feel that way about my appendix, I was perfectly fine with that going away, but then again you don't build the same relationship with a useless piece of intestine as you do with a part of your mouth that you use everyday. Am I being absolutely ridiculous about this? I know that once it is gone I will feel better, it will no longer harbour infection, it won't hurt everytime I eat something cold and it won't kill me if I accidentally bite down on it.....and I am looking forward to that. But still, I am a little sad.

Does the tooth fairy come for adults? Should I put it under my pillow?

Funny

Miles hears me say something about $10, he says, "Mami, I want $10", "what are you going to do with $10?" I ask. "Go to store" he answers. "and what are you going to buy at the store?" "Chocolate Milk" boy after my own heart.....

Miles is in the bath, he gets on his belly and says, "I swimmin" "like a whale" and then "ooooooaaahhh" just like dory speaking whale in nemo, oh so cute.....

dependence....

I am sitting here at home on my day off all alone and feeling lonely and sorry for myself because none of my friends ever email me and rarely update their blogs and "How am I supposed to feel connected to them if they don't do those things!?!" and then I realize, hmmm, I haven't posted on my blog in forever, and i rarely email my friends, I am even worse about calling them on the phone. If I want to be connected then I need to reach out. Duh! Maybe I should just go visit people in person.

We are such a technological society that if we don't have an electronic connection to people then we feel cut off. When I was a teenager I drove all over the state of Alaska by myself in my old beat up subaru with no cell phone, no gps, not even a printout from google maps. How often did I get lost or take much longer on these little adventures than planned? All the time, did people worry? Maybe, but it was the way it was. You let someone know approximately where you were going anf approximately when you would be back and off into the wilderness. But now, I have a 35 minute drive to work and I get freaked out that I have no cell reception for part of the drive, like maybe half of it. "what would happen if I broke down?" the real question is what happened to the adventurous brave little creature I used to be? I used to love being alone, driving out to N. Kenai and sitting on the beach at Captain Cook State Park just reading, writing, looking at the ocean. The simple joy of climbing on the rocks and being the "wild Molly in her natural habitat" that my friends used to tease me about. I am missing her.....

Several months ago I attended a workshop on how to do a job search, I likened it to a rehabilitate and release program for wildlife. I felt like a wounded animal, caught in an oil spill that had to be taken in, cleaned up, trained to fend for myself and then set free back into the wilderness. Now that I am successfully living out here I am starting to wonder if I have really been released into some sort of artificial habitat, one that looks real and feels real but isn't truly letting me be my wild self. Or perhaps I just need to find the way to be the alpha and be the one to make the choices for my pack....

Head Spinning

So I have been at the aviation museum for a week and a half and feel like I have done the work of about 4 weeks.......there is so much to this job its incredible. Its great, and I love it, but man I am tired. I met my kids the first night, had an overnight that Thursday, had kids again on Saturday....had two days off in a row!!! Amazing!!! Had kids again this Tuesday and yesterday and will have more tomorrow. All in the midst of learning how to give tours, make gliders out of styrofoam plates, plan an information meeting for my program, plan a 3 day training for my program, interview kids, and walk about 3 miles a day circling the museum and back and forth from the IMAX theatre. Today was a record breaking temp of 90-something and as cool as the museum looks, the entire wall of windows (9 stories high or so) that faces the South make the whole place like a giant greenhouse. Thank the universe my office is air conditioned, not that I actually spend much time there.

The space museum opens next month, its awesome, I want everyone to see it.

startin' to get serious

They are having me send in all the info so they can run a background check.....don't figure they would do that unless they really want me....yay! Plus I was advised to read up on aviation history.....hee hee hee

update

Just talked to the recruiter at the museum, sounds like they want me for the job....he wants to touch base with the educational director and then call me again, so I don't know salary or anything right now....my internet research showed me that the current coordinator is a student, so if she could go to school full time and work this job I think I should be able to handle it....we'll see....

My heart is a trampoline

Miles is becoming such a Daddy's boy. Last night Mitch stayed at his brothers house for some pre-birthday hangin' out and when Miles came into our room this morning the first thing he says is, "papa?" I tell him that Papa is at Uncle Carters house, "I want papa".....oh boy.....

so later we are playing in the living room and this boy child of mine is mad at me because I am mean and took his puzzle away because he was standing on it....I look at him and I say, "Miles, I love you", he looks back at me with an angry scowl,

"No I love you"

ouch

but as a toddler tends to do he seems to have forgotten he is mad at me...he is currenly running around without any clothes yelling, "I'm Naked, I'm Naked!!!"

I guess he is my child after all....

waiting, waiting....

I had a phone interview this morning about the education coordinator job.....I meet them in person on Friday morning.....I think the guy liked me, I know they want to move fast. The job sounds perfect for me...I don't know what the schedule is like at this point, but how can it be worse than what I am working now? and it would be more money. Anyways, I am just biding my time until then....we will see, wish me luck universe.

There's a bright golden haze on the meadow

today is a day that started out shitty and got so much better from there. Started the day not wanting to go to work and then getting a migraine midmorning that incapacitated me for a good 20 minutes and then I just worked through the pain, with little to no sympathy from my manager....but then, I get a text from my dear husband that the job I applied for has left me a message wanting me to call them...woo hoo....doesn't mean I have it, but its a start......and then to top it off it looks like the vineyard deal is almost ready to actually close. I am so excited about that I can hardly say, but the biggest hurdle is getting this damn property, all the rest is just hardwork and elbow grease.....

and then, and then, and then :0P

emotional swing set

Who says mood swings can't be fun? I have had a downright shitty couple of days.....but tonight I took time for myself and went to see a friends band perform. Had quite a good time. Got to see some folks that I hadn't seen in awhile and of course enjoyed the music immensely. The band is good, I have to admit, and I think they could turn out really successful if they continue on the swing they are on. And I don't just say that because the bass player is one of my favorite people.

So back to me......(its all about me remember) - I am feeling pretty good right now. When I got home I jumped onto my computer and have now sent my resume to a couple of different places that have jobs that interest me....we'll see if anything comes of it.......not sure if it matters whether I hear from them or not, but the fact that I actually did it is huge for me. Most of the time I pass myself up for the job before I even finish reading the job description. One of them is an educational position with a local museum...the other is a production assistant for a local jewelry making company. The former would be a full time good paying job....the latter is part time but with the wage I could afford to find something else small to supplement and be fine and dandy.....feels good.

Anywho...I should sleep, I do after all have to work tomorrow.......ugh.

hmm...

a friend said to me the other day, "if you don't prevent it then you want it" so when my husband says, "we can risk it" of course I take him up on it. There is very little chance, due to timing and all, but there will be that question for the next month or so. "what if?"

random

there is a balance to my life, I suppose its that way for everyone, but since it is all about me I will focus on myself. Some days I am happy, others sad, others angry (bitchy rather) and others still with that blase feeling where nothing really matters.....with all that considered I suppose it equals out and that I am doing just fine and dandy. Nothing truly terrible has come along, while along the same lines nothing truly wonderous or joyful either.....I am surviving. A bit tired is all. I still have all my friends and they are fabulous as usual. If it weren't for them....well, I would probably be moping in bed right now.

thanks y'all......

wine is the answer

and not necessarily just the drinking of it. I was out pruning today on the property we are working on buying and I realized all of a sudden how at peace I was and how I really didn't want to leave. Something about working with the vines and being outside has an amazing effect on my mood and general happiness. Miles is happy out there too. I can't wait until the property is fully ours and we can let the little boys make themselves at home and teach them where they can be and where they cannot. I want to be able to get up from my desk and go for a walk on the property to clear my head and balance myself. I need it.

I am not happy these days, not content in any way. I go through each day on auto pilot, being nice when I need to be, coming home exhausted to the point where I don't even want to watch a tv show with my husband let alone be romantic or interested in anything else with him. He is feeling neglected and lonely with my new schedule, coming home between 630 & 7 each night is definitely a change in our daily routine. And I don't have the energy or resources to help him adjust when I am having such a time adjusting myself. I know that once Sorelle is up and running that my time will be eaten up and at certain times I will be working incredibly long days and weeks in order to get things done. But the difference will be that I can have my family there with me when needed and I can see them and not be at the beck and call of big corporate job.

Don't get me wrong, my job as a bank teller is working for me at the moment, I am good at it, I am doing well, but its not my career or any place I want to be for long. I love the people I am working with, for the most part. The store manager is fabulous, I think she is not only a genuinely good person but she is funny and good to work with, she gives feedback in a constructive positive way that I can understand. The other teller and the banker are both very sweet and I enjoy their company and appreciate their help and support with work stuff. The service manager is a nice person and I like her, but, she doesn't have very good people skills and I think she often comes off as rude or abrupt when really she just isn't taking the time to think about how she sounds. I often feel like I am in trouble or have screwed up when really all she is doing is asking me if I remembered to do something. I do feel I am turning into a sales weasel, so much of the job is trying to sell things to every customer. I am succeeding, and doing very well for a new teller, but man I really don't like selling crap to folks. For the most part it is banking products that if they use will only help them, but I worry all the time that they don't really understand and are just signing up because we tell them they should...I did get to go to a Blazers game for free though and sit in the bank suite, it was awesome, tons of food and a pretty good game. Mitch and I had a nice night.

All I can do is bide my time and get through it, Sorelle will be up and running soon, I will then be able to do work I will love and live my life they way I want. Thank the universe for the vines, my time there is truly my only time at peace, I am surprised I hadn't realized that before today......

peace out (yeah, yeah, I know, but it seems appropriate)

One little Miles Jumpin' on the Bed

We have done it, Miles is now officially sleeping in a Big Boy Bed........I am sad. My baby is growing so fast and as wonderful as it all is I am sad that I haven't had more time to really enjoy what he has been. Everyday he is bigger and smarter, surprising me with what he knows and how he can do amazing things. I love what he is becoming. I suppose is many ways that is the nature of parenthood and of life, always looking forward to what is coming with eagerness and excitement yet missing the past with nostalgia and longing for what is known and comforting. Is this one of the reasons why folks have more babies? Because they want to recreate what they have had already and loved so much? (funny how easily we forget the sleepless nights, swollen painful breasts and frustrating moments of early parenting, the physical and emotional tolls we pay for the joyful moments we cherish in memory).

Apparently I am in a ponderous mood tonight. I intended this to be a recount of Miles 1st night in his new bed and instead am waxing poetic (badly) about life and parenting. I either need more sleep and more wine, or more sleep and less wine..........I think I will go and figure out which one.

Later

time to breathe

I feel like I haven't stopped moving for the last month and a half. This weekend for example: Loki was dropped off at 830 so Christina could go to class, I left for work at 930, worked 'til 345, did some quick shopping for snacks for a wine party. Got home at 430 - cleaned the house frantically as well as cut up fruit and cheese. Wine tasting started at 7 went 'til 930 or so. Went to bed by 1030 after some quick cleanup. Got up at 8 on Sunday left the house at 840 to pick up Jeff to head up to Vancouver to load up Carters moving van, finished there around 1230. Then drove back to salem to unload. Dropped Jeff off at home in west Salem and got back home around 4.....Mitch washed the cars we both took showers and headed back north to have dinner at Christina's with Heidi and Bill who were in from AZ. Left there around 9, got home around 10, loaded the dishes and went to bed. Now I am up and getting ready to leave for a full day of work.....the fact that I had five minutes to spit that all out is amazing to me....I am so tired.

I love being married, I love being married....

One of those days where everything my dear husband does drives me crazy and all I want is for him to leave me alone. He apparently wanted to leave early for work this morning (we currently ride together to drop Miles off and then go to work)....but, he didn't tell me this. Instead he just became increasingly cranky as the morning went on and Miles and I did our usual of getting ready and all that. It doesn't help that Miles is incredibly two at this time and nothing makes him happy, he will literally try to change his mind up to 12 times each day for each decision that must be made. What pants? What shirt? What shoes? It goes on and on. As I have been the one that has primarily gotten Miles up each morning and off to daycare while I was unemployed dear husband is highly unused to how the mornings go. I am sorry but you just can't rush a two-year-old all you will get is resistance in a major way. So dear husband did not deal well with this today and took it as a good excuse to justify his usual unjustified daily morning grump. I love him, that is true, and I should really not be sitting here complaining about him but it helps me to purge this desire to lock him in a closet and leave him there for a few days. Doesn't help that tonight he is going to go play poker with his brothers leaving me with sole boy duty all night and tomorrow morning, but he is also leaving this weekend for Bend with another friend, his "man-cation" as he calls it. All I want to know is, When do I get to leave him home with Miles while I go stay in a hotel with a friend with the only plan being to eat a ton of good food and drink way too much? Where is my mini-vacation that doesn't involve spouses and toddlers?

I should really stop bitching now.......almost time for work anyway.

Day two

Yesterday I was in Portland for my first day at with the bank. It was really more of an orientation then a training, I was anxious to just get started. Thats today. I am sitting here killing time until I need to go to work. I know today will be one of those days where I come home and my brain is so full I can hardly function. I am looking forward to that.

What I am really waiting for is that moment where I actually get excited about something, that I really and truly care about what is happening. Hasn't happened yet.

dreaming

I have a cold, and when I have a cold I have strange dreams. Okay, I have really strange dreams all the time, but even stranger when I am sick. This tidbit of dream isn't all that weird, its just a small part of a big whole, most of which I can't even remember, but it has stuck with me. There was a something going on, a garage sale maybe....and there was a whole bunch of newly hatched chicks, soft yellow fluffy. Then someone brought a boxful of kittens, cute soft fuzzy. Well, my concern had been immediately the safety of the chicks from these kittens, no one was worried. For the rest of the dream I watched as the chicks wandered from their safe little box and as the kittens got more adventurous. Eventually one of the kittens spotted a chick and signaled to his buddies, "hey, easy tasty prey over here". Then I woke up.

So dream interpreters, what does that mean?

Penguins?

There is a mug that I have had for years with Naughty Penguins doing all sorts of things to each other. The weird Scandinavian claymation cartoon that Miles seems to love although I can't fully see the humour in it. And then of course the rash of recent movies and shows starting with March of the Penguins, which I have yet to see. One I did see was that Happy Feet movie, it was weird and disturbing. I really didn't like it, I think it is strange on a level that really doesn't need to be understood by anyone. I like penguins, at least I have never had a problem with them....but why penguins? Why not Hippopotamus (hippopotamus's?). They are cute, just not quite as small. I suppose penguin is easier to say and spell.

no such luck

He won't go, I am not surprised. Sad, disappointed, maybe a little pissed off yes. Surprised, not at all.

12 steps....

But first you have to get to the door.

My father is supposed to be checking into rehab for alcoholism today. I haven't heard yet whether he actually did or not. It has been months since he and I have talked. I don't know what to say to him anymore, letting him know that I would like him to be around long enough to see Miles grow can only be done so many times before it loses meaning. Apparently the two places he normally goes to drink have both told him they are happy to have him there but they will not serve him alcohol, you know its bad when the place you give most of your monthly income too has permanently cut you off. Unfortunately there are many other bars in good ol' Kenai that don't have the same scruples and would only be sad when he has succeeded in drinking himself to death and they no longer have that source of income.

I can only hope that he actually does this.

I am employed!

Yay!! I have a job (dependent on background check). Now I feel like crying. I am so weird.

I am going to be working as a teller for a bank, big huge chain, has a good reputation. The pay is lower than I would like, but I think the benefits of the job will outweigh that. Plus there is a lot of room to grow. And as soon as I make lead teller the pay goes up by a couple of dollars, so I will just have to rock their world and make lead teller asap. It will be really good to have health benefits again, I have been feeling really nervous about not having coverage.

Anyways, I am excited and nervous and all that wonderful stuff. Don't know when I start yet, they have to get my background check done and then whenever the new training class starts. I will most likely train in Portland depending on when they can actually start me.

A paycheck, no matter what the size, will be good.

TGIF?

The day of the week has started to lose meaning for me. It doesn't matter to me whether it is Tuesday or Thursday. Today is Friday, to most working people this is the day they look forward to, the end of the week, the beginning of the weekend. To me it just means that I get more time with my husband for the next couple of days.

I had a second interview with the bank yesterday. I think it went well, they seemed to really like me. The hours are not my ideal, but I can't afford to be too picky right now. If they make me an offer I will probably take it, unless the pay is just way too low. We'll see.

I did however put in an application with the city today, working in the HR department as a Benefits Consultant. Its a job I know I would be good at, lets see if I can get an interview.

Today is a day to clean the house and get caught up on random tasks I really need to get done. So I think I will finish the book I am reading first and then get to work.

Oh, and for dinner tonight: Pasta with a cream sauce and shrimp - mushrooms, peas, little onions.....mmmmm, yummy.

I am the wrong person today

I am hoping this is not an omen, but today I am apparently the wrong person.

First my doorbell rings and standing there when I open it is a man from the city with a clipboard and official city truck at the curb. He says to me, "I am here for your mechanical inspection". The things that went through my mind: "mechanical inspection, whats that?", "is this a scam?", "Is he a themed stripper sent by some insane friend?" - So I just looked at him and asked, "Mechanical Inspection?". "for a furnace, maybe a fireplace?" - "no", I replied. He looks at his clip board and reads the address outloud. He has the numbers right, but the wrong street. I tell him so, he is off by one block. This isn't this first time this has happened, last time it was the pizza delivery guy, that one was tempting to keep.

Then a little bit later my phone rings. "this is it", I think, "the job". I mute the Price is Right and answer the phone with my most pleasant hello. I hear a very thick accent say, "molly?". "Yes", I say. Then, "Is this the mental hospital?" I must have misheard her first question. "no, this is not the mental hospital" She apologizes and then hangs up.

Hmm.....like I said, I hope its not an omen.....When you question most days who you are and what you are doing with your life being a mistake two times in a row can be rather deflating.

Hurry up and wait

In the interview last week the recruiter guy said we would hear Monday, or possibly by Friday on whether or not we get a second interview. I realized later that Monday was a holiday so had hoped to maybe hear by Friday. No call on Friday (no email saying no thanks either...), and of course nothing yesterday being the aforementioned holiday. So here is it Tuesday and I am sitting here trying to not be on edge waiting for the phone to ring. I hate that.

I have tons to do, maybe I can use this nervous energy to be tremendously productive.

I love being a mom, I love being a mom...

Miles is two, and everyday he proves it more and more. This morning he was actually being very cute and snuggly and got dressed and put his shoes on without fuss or bother. And then, mean ol' me insisted that he wear his warm jacket rather than his favorite blue sweatshirt. You would think I was killing him, the screaming, the crying, the wrestling to keep him in the coat, unlock the garage door, get him into the car seat and then to daycare. Lets just say I am now tired, and feel like I have fought some life or death battle with a wild cat. And to top it off when we got to daycare he refused to take the coat off. I think that his logic tells him that if he is wearing his coat that I will take him home sooner. He doesn't hate it there, he is always happily playing when I pick him up, he eats well, he paints pictures. The friends from daycare are often talked about at home. I don't get it. I guess he just wants his mommy, I am his favorite person, I suppose it is supposed to be that way.

Time Management & Loneliness

I am finding myself challenged in two very specific ways right now. See above.

Something about not having a specific schedule to my day is really hurting me in the ability to get any quality work completed. I have a ton of stuff that I need to do, want to do and would like to accomplish but I have such a hard time actually sitting down and doing it. Part of the issue seems to be prioritizing. I have so many things between looking for work, the house, Sorelle and personal fun projects that I can't decide what really should get done first. The amount of time needed for all these activities has been hard to gauge as well. I suppose now that I have identified it, I need to find a solution........

As for the loneliness factor. I find I obsessively check my email and phone 50 billion times a day to see if anyone has wanted to talk to me. Its not that I don't ever talk to anyone, but I do feel that I spend the majority of my days alone and in my own head, thus the journaling on this blog, I need to talk to someone. My poor husband gets random emails and phone calls from me all the time simply because I want to talk to someone. And of course he is trying to work so all I end up doing is disrupting his day. There needs to be a support group for unemployeds so we can have some sort of interaction with other adults that are in the same boat as we are.

Anywho.

blah blah blah

The After-Interview

It was interesting. There were about 7 of us and basically we all took turns answering the questions. It was very structured in how the questions were asked and in the format that they wanted them answered, yet loose in feel. We didn't have to go in line to answer, whoever was ready to go went next. I think I did well, was careful to not be the one to always go first, but also to never go last. I felt old, most of the others were quite young, relating a lot of their experiences from high school or very recent college. But I think I did okay. If called for a second interview I should hear from them on Friday, Monday at the latest. The manager of the branch I want to work at was there, she was a kick, I think I would really enjoy working for her. The Service manager was there as well, she was also very nice and seemed very with it and together, I was impressed by them. So, we'll see. I will just do my best to not dwell on it all week and worry myself to pieces.

Interview

So, not long after posting my oh so eloquent post this morning I got a phone call from one of the jobs I applied for. This one is a bank teller position, listed as a lead teller and it is at the branch very close to home. I have an interview this afternoon. I am nervous. Its a group interview and they said to expect to be there about 2 hours. I am really curious as to what this thing will entail. I am in the midst of preparation, not only running possible interview questions through my head but also the primping, cleaning and plucking that is involved in looking professional, and to wear nylons. yuck. But this will be good. If I get the job it will be full time and have benefits, and should be work that not only would I be good at, but that I would also enjoy. If I don't get it, I will have valuable practice at interviewing. I will definitely update after I get home....I am sure there will be purging to do.

Wish me luck!

Grouchy & Tired

Yeah, thats about it....need I say more?

Rehabilitation

Last week I attended a workshop that was aimed at helping me find a new job. It was interesting and good. I learned a lot about resumes and such, and where to look for jobs. As I described to a friend I felt as if I were being rehabilitated for re-release into the wild. There is this feeling, like an injured wild animal, of not having the proper tools to survive out there. I get so scared whenever I think about applying for jobs, interviewing for jobs, being turned down for jobs......I lie awake at night thinking through all the possible questions I could be asked. Which only serves me in lack of sleep and doesn't actually help me as I forget the oh so clever answers I came up with at 2:13 in the morning.

I go this week to an orientation that will allow me to start subbing in the school district as an instructional assistant or in the office. This will be good. It will be money. It will also force me into new and unfamiliar situations on a daily basis. That scares the crap out of me. On a practical rational level I know I will be fine, I have worked in schools before, there should be nothing to worry about. But on an emotional level I am nervous that I won't be able to find the office, that the people will be mean to me, that I will have to work for some horrible teacher. Silly senseless stuff that I just need to get over. Which is why the new day new school thing will be good for me, it will push me out of my little comfort zone and toughen me up.

Although I don't really feel as though I am ready for re-release, off I go.

Beware the Wild Molly's in their natural habitat.

What is my natural habitat?

Sad news, followed by some good

My Great Aunt Mary Jane passed away yesterday morning. I am sad, but I am consoled that she did live a good life and had lots of people in her life that loved her. My Grammie is sad to lose her sister and her good friend.

Also yesterday good friends gave birth to a baby girl. Lola is her name. 6 lbs 10 oz (I think). Poor mama was in labor for three days before they gave her pitosin to get things moving. Everyone is doing well but sound tired, as you can imagine after 3 days.

As they say, one door closes and another opens.....perhaps Ol' Mary Jane had a new Guardian Angel job to report too......she would be a good one.

Not bright and shiny

My great Aunt Mary Jane is dying. She is my Grammie's sister and although I haven't seen her in a long time, I will miss her. She and my Grammie have such a strong friendship and have been there for each other more than any of the sisters in the family (4 in total). The sad thing is, she is dying because of negligence. She went into the hospital with a broken hip, when they moved her to a rehab center they discovered very bad bed sores which indicated poor care from the hospital. The sores became infected and now she is dying because of it.

makes me sad, very very sad

Post Holiday Hurrah!!

Normally folks talk about the post holiday blues.......not me, not this year. I am so glad they are over. Not that I didn't have a good time, I just wasn't really in the mood for it this year. I've got the gettin' through the day blues, why would I want to subject myself to a big forced happiness time that although can be a lot of fun, usually just ends up costing me more money than I intended to spend? Anyways.......the recap......

thursday 12.20.07: My Grammie arrives from Montana. Thank god she was flying into Salem directly, a snow storm delayed her in SLC so she arrived very late. But safe and she and my mom slept very soundly that night.

A note about my Grammie - she is great and I love her dearly. She is also 87 and deaf with hearing aids that only seem to work when you say something you actually don't want her to hear. She also talks a lot, and I mean a lot and has very strong opinions which take an act of god and the republican party to change......so you see that although I enjoy my time with her, I am also exhausted by the time I leave her.

saturday 12.22.07: Tree Trimming Party at Christina's........so, I made several mistakes the night of this party.......#1: I started with a glass of wine.....then moved onto the rum drinks....oops #2: I let Carter mix my drinks. To be fair this wasn't really a mistake as Carter makes very good drinks, the mistake was not really thinking about the fact that it was Carter mixing, and that his drinks are maybe 2 to 3x's stronger than normal drinks. Mistake #3: Drinking said carter rum & cokes way too fast. I had three. And I was feeling good. But then.....I wasn't. I did end up giving back...which I did very quietly and politely apparently and then went to bed. I woke up for the first time in my life with a hangover. Now I know I am old. Normally I either don't drink enough to get a hangover, or I give back enough to not have a hangover. Not so lucky this time. the bright side though was that I was in no way the drunkest person there. C's brother in law was wayyyyyy more trashed than I and everyone remembers him as the party drunk and not me. The party was a good one though with fabulous food (I missed the ravioli though....sad) and fun ornament making activities and a not so traditional and annoying gift exchange. What did I get in the exchange you ask? Alcohol of course.

sunday 12.23.07: Mostly a nice quiet day at home....only holiday activity being the visit of the father in law with Mitch's two younger half sisters. I like Mitch's family, and I really like Allie and Charlotte, but I don't get to see them much and don't really know them very well these days. Allie is turning 16 this year, and she has gone from somewhat snotty tween to a rather pleasant and very adorable teenager. Charlotte is now in that tween stage - she is still sweet as she has always been, but is slightly more demanding and unfathomable as girls that age are. With them came their mom - who is my father in laws wife, maybe. We aren't quite sure - they have been separated for a long time and live in different houses, but seem to spend a lot of time together. It is all rather confusing. The verdict is also out on whether we like her or not. At times she is great and we have no problem chatting and getting along, she is charmed by Miles so she has some taste at least. But other times she has been that annoying stepmom too. Other than making the stepmother tear up when I talked about my oldest bro-in-laws wife leaving and how it really is a good thing, I think the visit went well.

12.24.07: Christmas Eve. Traditional brunch at McGrath's with my mom and Grammie. The food as always was very very good and we had a great server. Afterwards Mitch and I did some last minute shopping and spent most of the day at home. Miles took a very long and much needed nap. After he woke up we decided to go to the carousel and called the mother in law to see if she wanted to join us. She got there first and they were closed (the bastards). We had checked the website and nothing indicated a closure - but a sign on the door stated an early closing for the holiday. We were bummed. Did take a walk through the park and look at the Willamette Queen (not the drag kind, a big paddle boat) before heading to a store to look for gloves for Miles. When we got home we loaded up the wagon with a well bundled toddler and took a walk in the neighborhood to look at lights. That was a nice way to spend our evening and I hope we always live in a neighborhood where that is possible.

12.25.07: CHRISTMAS!! Miles made out like a bandit this year. His favorites are his "Cars" toys and his trains. We opened most of the tree presents and then headed over to Grandma's where luckily we didn't have a ton more to open but just got to eat some good food and spend some family time. This is the first Christmas without the evil sister in law and both tyler and Toby seemed to do pretty well. It was much more relaxed and we were able to be somewhat chaotic and just relax. ( I will explain more about her in another post, she isn't really evil, but I am not very happy with her...)

Home for a nap and then off to my mom's house for more presents and dinner. Miles really got it good here - his favorite is his Lighting McQueen shirt that lights up when he moves. He also got a great little rocking chair and some more buildings for his train set. Dinner was mexican and we not only ate too much but had my mom's fabulous margaritas. This is a weird recipe so I have to put it in....1 can frozen limeade concentrate, then fill can with tequila, and another time with beer. Light cheap beer usually works best. Basically equal parts of all three into a blender with some ice and there you go.....they are incredibly delicious.

12.26.07: The day after. Mitch took Miles to the mountain with Christina and some other friends to sled while I went shopping with my Mom and Grammie. We all came home exhausted, but we all had a good day I think. Grammie likes to buy christmas presents in the sales so we always go shopping. She got Mitch and I a new food processor which we are very excited about since I broke out last one.

12.27.07: Not much on this day except going to see "P.S. I love you" with mom and grammie. Saddest Movie Ever!! well done, but sad. I cried through pretty much the whole thing. The ads talk about how funny it is and what a great date movie, etc...but even though I did laugh at times, I cried more. Basically the main character loses her husband to a brain tumor in the first ten minutes and it goes from there. It had to be a brain tumor didn't it? Sheesh

12.28.07: Grammie left bright and early. I think my mom slept in the blissful quiet of her apartment for the rest of the day. I can't really remember what we did....oh yeah. Mitch spent the night before in Vancouver with Carter and I basically took Miles to daycare and then goofed off all day. I did start to slog through the disaster that was our house though, that was good. Oh, and I dyed my hair. Egyptian Plum...not as dramatic as it sounds, but I like it.

12.29.07 to 12.30.07: Quiet and lazy. Just the way I like it. Our big outing was to take Miles to the newish indoor playground. He was timid at first and then discovered the huge sandbox and had a lot of fun. We will definitely take him there again. I really want to take both he and Loki so that Loki will be the fearless leader that he is and get Miles to try out the bounce house. Although then we might never get them out again......Mom in law came over in the evening with Toby so that the boys could play. One word: Wii

12.31.07: We took Miles to his Grandmas where his cousin Toby also was, Loki to join them later. The crazy woman that she is offered to keep all three boys while we had a party at Tyler's place. Mitch and I went to Portland early so we could head to the mall and shop the Fredericks sale, I got the coolest corset for 50% off. Its blue and is fairly simple with the eyelets up the front and the lacing in the back. I love it. The coolest part is that in a corset all that extra fat can be arranged pretty much however you like and I can look like I have much bigger boobs than I actually do. The party was awesome. I chose to not drink this time and I remember it all that much more clearly. We basically just had tons of food and hung out and talked and played games and all that. Our friend Charles was injured (a ski lift bit him) so Christina led the girls in a round of body shots to entertain him. Carter got a great picture of Christina taking a lime from my mouth, if he ever chooses to sell it he said he would give us the cash :0) Around 1am Mitch and I drove home to Salem - there was surprisingly little traffic and we slept soundly in our own bed with no toddler to wake us.

01.01.08: New Years Day. Getting tired of reading yet? I am posting all this mainly so that I will have a record of the holidays, otherwise I will forget it all.

New years day is traditionally spent at the O'Mara's - the parents of our friend Heather. A very laid back gathering with homemade meatballs and the closest of our group of college friends. This ear was the first time that we had all three little boys there. Grayson, Loki and Miles are so close in age, its fun to have them all so close to each other. Unfortunately though Miles wasn't feeling well. We thought he was just tired but by late afternoon he was feeling feverish. We took him home early and not only did he spike a temp of 103.5 that night but also had a bit of a vomiting spell. Poor little guy.

That basically brings us to today. Kept Miles home yesterday since he still had a fever. He just woke up this morning and is fine, so I will be taking him to daycare...yay!!! Mommy needs a break.