The search continues

On a snowy road to nowhere in a treacherous mountain pass a young career was lost 7 weeks ago and searchers have yet to find it. "We haven't given up hope," Ms. Jones proclaimed this morning, "but we are starting to worry about the chance of finding any life." With that she sadly walked away trying to look strong, but we could tell she was losing the strength to keep searching.

Over the past several weeks there have been many promising leads but just as many dead ends and missed chances. The career is young, only 4 years out of college with what had looked like a promising future ahead. The search will continue, but when found how much rehabilitation will the career need to be back to where it was when originally lost?

Stay tuned for continuing coverage.

Sid, back to you......

Not to be underestimated

I sent a resume the other day to the local conference center to see if they might want me as setup crew or some-such for events. I figured it would be good experience and that might be easy work to get and at least supplement my current $0 income. On Friday they called me to come in and meet with them, so today I put on stockings and a skirt and all the interview accoutrement and met with two of the managers. What surprised me was that they were looking at me more for a supervisor or manager position rather than just grunt work. This should just remind me that although I think little of myself and my experience, I actually have quite a bit of good history in many areas and that they would be damn lucky to hire me. So, I have no idea at this point of they liked me or not, but I do hope to hear from them.......yikes

I ain't no spring chicken anymore...

What is it that happens to us as we age? I don't mean the wrinkles or the hair in weird places either. What I mean is the "party skills". When I was in high school and college I could stay up all night, get up first thing in the morning and be good to go and get through the day. And that up all night part usually included alcohol, junk food and lots of sugar. If I do that now I am dead on my feet for days. Last night friends were here and I stayed up 'til 1 am maybe, hadn't had anything to drink since dinner and of course this morning Miles wakes up at the ass crack of dawn and I can barely drag myself out of bed. I am up now, just long enough to have just dropped him at daycare and to check my email, because I am going to take advantage of the lifestyle of the unemployed and go back to bed. My poor husband, he stayed up later than I did and had to go to work...I suppose that was his choice though.I just have to get over the guilt of dropping my child into the care of someone else and enjoying the cozy warmth of my bed.

So, good night to the world, or is it a good morning? The best kind of morning, one with no place to go. "theres nobody I would rather do nothing with than you" - great lyric - about a significant other of course, but it could be about my bed, or my cat...same thing right?

I'm a loser baby....

What is it about applying for jobs that freezes me in my tracks? I see job postings and instead of shooting off my resume I think about it and usually let the opportunity pass me by. Like just now, I did actually apply for a job from craigslist, sent an email with my resume and everything. Then I see a second job, this one with a good company that I know, and it says, "send resume and cover letter" so what do I do? I think to myself, "hmm, cover letter, I have no idea how to do that" and instead of looking for resources to help me write one I come to my blog and complain about how I should be doing more to find a job. Am I so afraid of rejection that I reject myself before I even know what the possibility is? Yes, I am, and I am a loser.

Its the same thing with all the projects around the house that I would like to get done. I have so many that I never do any of them. And that is really dumb.

C'mon Molly, Get it together......Go out there and conquer!

Maybe I will take a nap first.........

He said, she said

Sometimes you can't quite anticipate what life is going to throw at you. As you all know I was laid off from my job end of October. As you all also know I was given the choice of accepting a new job in customer service, which for a variety of reasons I declined. Well the unemployment gods do not want to give me any money. Per my employer I "voluntarily left work because of her unhappiness about working as a customer service specialist." and that I "had scheduling concerns but did not pursue available options or accommodations", along with a bunch of other junk that frustrates me and frankly pisses me off. I chose to not accept the new position for a lot of reasons, one of them being that as a CS I would have to bid for my schedule and that with no stats to put me higher on the list I would not be in any way guaranteed a schedule that would let me off work in time to pick up Miles from daycare. The management does not make special considerations for anyone based on daycare schedules so no, I did not ask for any. Grrrrr....... I am going to appeal, but I don't know what will come of it.

Its all I can do right now not to just become a big emotional mess that is unable to function at any level let alone find a job. All I want to do is go hide in my room and pretend the world does not exist. Some birthday week. All I can think is "now I am 32, what have I done with my life so far?"

I know this is major Pity-Party and all that, but, hard not to be right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day, even with the possibility of snow. Mmmm, I have a whole pumpkin pie, a can of whipped cream and a bottle of wine that one of my dearest friends brought me......I wonder if my husband would be put out if I didn't share.....

I hate snot

I know that hate is a very strong word, and there are not many things I would say create strong enough feelings of dislike to merit use of the word. Snot however deserves a place of honor in my list of things I really and truly hate. I would be having a great weekend if it weren't for this horrible sticky goo that has decided to come out of my nose and make my throat hurt. It sucks. I hate it.

So there.

When I grow up....

I know what I don't want to be, I don't want to be a fire fighter, a nurse, a policeman or a teacher. "I want to be cool, tall, vulnerable and luscious" to quote Liz Phair, but I don't know how that will help me find the right job. I always joke that I want to be Lorelei Gilmore when I grow up, but that is more of a style, a way of being. Not that I will ever look like Loren Graham (actress that played her) - or have the money to purchase the wardrobe. But in some ways its not entirely unrealistic - and before you start to think I am insane, picture this: Lorelei Gilmore runs her own business - an Inn that is fun and stylish and she hosts events such as luncheons and weddings - she also sews and is very creative. She is an excellent mom and she is smart and witty. Not bad things to aspire to in my mind. Of course I am a bit smarter love than she is - I found my perfect man and nabbed him.

The underlying question here is: I am unemployed, what do I apply for that I won't hate, that I will be good at and will pay me enough to help support my family?

The answer: I don't know.

Todays the day I get my ass in gear

8:30 am - Miles up, dressed and off to daycare. Load of laundry started, bookshelf from garage cleaned off and moved inside for extra storage in Miles' room.
10:30 am - A simple plan to clean Miles' room and make a space for the bookshelf turned into a complete rearrangement of the entire room. I am not quite done yet, but I decided I need some coffee and a quick sit down. I just need to reorganize his books and I will be done, except for the closet which scares me greatly and I really should tackle. It has become the hidden graveyard of his old clothes, random things I don't know what to do with and clothes he hasn't grown into yet. Maybe I will try to brave it this afternoon after I finish the laundry.....hmm.....
12:00 - mmmmm......coffee is delicious...... (Miles' room is done though...even with the extended coffee "break")
2:00 pm - Working on a sewing project. Feels good, I have only been trying to get to this one for 2 years. While sewing watching incredibly bad 80's movie about a ice man (and that is the title too "Ice Man") that comes back to life. "confound it!! thats brain activity!!" - amazing.
3:45 pm - Still working on sewing project. Made an appointment to go to a meeting with some career people though, that should be good. Just realized what time it is. Should probably think about going to pick up my baby. I miss him. He is so cute...

Ho hum

I am fighting with the motivation demons. They are at war in my body and brain. Everyday I get up and think, "todays the day, I am going to ___, and ____ and finish ____, and at the end of the day I will feel good and accomplished" but then the couch calls my name and my ass settles in and I pick up my book and off I go to getting absolutely nothing accomplished. There have been a couple of days that I have gotten up and done something....but that is such hard work. Can I just be a lady of leisure please? Being allowed and expected to just enjoy myself and do whatever I want everyday. That would be fabulous, but boring. Aye, theres the rub. I would end up with a job just out of sheer boredom. And that wouldn't be any fun at all.

Today I have a fabulous excuse for not getting anything accomplished. I am helping a sick friend. Nasty bug, has knocked her on her ass like you wouldn't believe. So, today I will just be here and be available to get her water or jell-o or whatever she would like. Hope I don't catch it.

Just another Manic Monday....

But not really, because I am unemployed. I don't have anywhere I have to be, nothing I have to do. So why am I awake and alert and in front of the computer at 7am? I have no freaking clue. I do have to remind myself that this weekend was daylight saving time and we all gained an hour, but still, would I normally be up at 8 if I didn't have to work? Doubt it. So I will sip my coffee and enjoy my peace until Miles wakes up (he is definitely my child and LOVES to sleep). Once he is up my day will officially begin. I will take him to daycare but then I plan to come home and be a quasi domestic goddess and at least get caught up on the laundry and maybe vacuum the floors.

I did put in a job application last week with the city. Its an office position and I think it sounds great. I like the variety of office work but also that it has a routine and a flow to the day. And as crazy at it sounds, I love paperwork. I could type and organize and file all day. Offices have order and I like order. So, we will see what comes of that. The posting closed Friday, it could be anytime between now and 4 weeks from now for me to hear from them. There really is no predictability in the job market. But, the search continues.....

Ok, I need coffee........

Around and around we go

So I am on the internet looking for jobs and I find a great job that I would love to do and I can apply online, even better!! I click on the link - and it is broken. I go to the company's homepage and it says, "this site is currently being used to take applications" and includes a link that says "apply online" so I click and surprise surprise, the link is broken. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Besides, the job in is Mt Angel, and although a beautiful little town that I enjoy visiting, do I really want to drive out there everyday?

The search continues. Application #1 is complete and I will drop it off as soon as I am showered and dressed.

Might be time for a nap after that...

Who knew unemployment would be so much work?

When you picture being unemployed there is a vision of sleeping late, watching tv and generally sitting around occasionally making a half hearted attempt to find a job, but usually getting distracted by the comics while looking for the classifieds. That is so not true. I will admit, I slept late this morning, and well yesterday too, but I realized how much I need to do to get my life in order so that I can find that great job that will not only pay me enough to pay my bills but also be fulfilling and worthwhile to go to everyday.

So far today I have registered for unemployment, paid bills, researched IRA's, worked on my resume, did some work for the board I am a member of, and worked on my blog (why this actually feels productive I don't know, but it does). All after getting Miles up and to daycare. This afternoon I need to fill out a job application that is due tomorrow and meet with the financial guy at the bank to talk about the aforementioned IRA. Whew.

And I really should clean my house. After all, I am unemployed, what else do I have to do all day? Better put bon bons on my shopping list.....

Mmmmmm, bon bons........

Off with her head!

Well, I am off to meet with the HR man to officially sever my ties with my job in the oh so joyous world of health insurance. I am nervous, and excited and just plain bewildered. Last week all was good in the world of Molly, but one simple meeting spells doom for my team and we all face the choice of the unemployment line or drudgery on the phones in customer service land. I chose the dole, and will at least have a meager severance to tide me over until the "next great thing" comes along.

So away I go to the headsman, hopefully it is swift and done with one swell foop of the axe.