He said, she said

Sometimes you can't quite anticipate what life is going to throw at you. As you all know I was laid off from my job end of October. As you all also know I was given the choice of accepting a new job in customer service, which for a variety of reasons I declined. Well the unemployment gods do not want to give me any money. Per my employer I "voluntarily left work because of her unhappiness about working as a customer service specialist." and that I "had scheduling concerns but did not pursue available options or accommodations", along with a bunch of other junk that frustrates me and frankly pisses me off. I chose to not accept the new position for a lot of reasons, one of them being that as a CS I would have to bid for my schedule and that with no stats to put me higher on the list I would not be in any way guaranteed a schedule that would let me off work in time to pick up Miles from daycare. The management does not make special considerations for anyone based on daycare schedules so no, I did not ask for any. Grrrrr....... I am going to appeal, but I don't know what will come of it.

Its all I can do right now not to just become a big emotional mess that is unable to function at any level let alone find a job. All I want to do is go hide in my room and pretend the world does not exist. Some birthday week. All I can think is "now I am 32, what have I done with my life so far?"

I know this is major Pity-Party and all that, but, hard not to be right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day, even with the possibility of snow. Mmmm, I have a whole pumpkin pie, a can of whipped cream and a bottle of wine that one of my dearest friends brought me......I wonder if my husband would be put out if I didn't share.....

I hate snot

I know that hate is a very strong word, and there are not many things I would say create strong enough feelings of dislike to merit use of the word. Snot however deserves a place of honor in my list of things I really and truly hate. I would be having a great weekend if it weren't for this horrible sticky goo that has decided to come out of my nose and make my throat hurt. It sucks. I hate it.

So there.

When I grow up....

I know what I don't want to be, I don't want to be a fire fighter, a nurse, a policeman or a teacher. "I want to be cool, tall, vulnerable and luscious" to quote Liz Phair, but I don't know how that will help me find the right job. I always joke that I want to be Lorelei Gilmore when I grow up, but that is more of a style, a way of being. Not that I will ever look like Loren Graham (actress that played her) - or have the money to purchase the wardrobe. But in some ways its not entirely unrealistic - and before you start to think I am insane, picture this: Lorelei Gilmore runs her own business - an Inn that is fun and stylish and she hosts events such as luncheons and weddings - she also sews and is very creative. She is an excellent mom and she is smart and witty. Not bad things to aspire to in my mind. Of course I am a bit smarter love than she is - I found my perfect man and nabbed him.

The underlying question here is: I am unemployed, what do I apply for that I won't hate, that I will be good at and will pay me enough to help support my family?

The answer: I don't know.

Todays the day I get my ass in gear

8:30 am - Miles up, dressed and off to daycare. Load of laundry started, bookshelf from garage cleaned off and moved inside for extra storage in Miles' room.
10:30 am - A simple plan to clean Miles' room and make a space for the bookshelf turned into a complete rearrangement of the entire room. I am not quite done yet, but I decided I need some coffee and a quick sit down. I just need to reorganize his books and I will be done, except for the closet which scares me greatly and I really should tackle. It has become the hidden graveyard of his old clothes, random things I don't know what to do with and clothes he hasn't grown into yet. Maybe I will try to brave it this afternoon after I finish the laundry.....hmm.....
12:00 - mmmmm......coffee is delicious...... (Miles' room is done though...even with the extended coffee "break")
2:00 pm - Working on a sewing project. Feels good, I have only been trying to get to this one for 2 years. While sewing watching incredibly bad 80's movie about a ice man (and that is the title too "Ice Man") that comes back to life. "confound it!! thats brain activity!!" - amazing.
3:45 pm - Still working on sewing project. Made an appointment to go to a meeting with some career people though, that should be good. Just realized what time it is. Should probably think about going to pick up my baby. I miss him. He is so cute...

Ho hum

I am fighting with the motivation demons. They are at war in my body and brain. Everyday I get up and think, "todays the day, I am going to ___, and ____ and finish ____, and at the end of the day I will feel good and accomplished" but then the couch calls my name and my ass settles in and I pick up my book and off I go to getting absolutely nothing accomplished. There have been a couple of days that I have gotten up and done something....but that is such hard work. Can I just be a lady of leisure please? Being allowed and expected to just enjoy myself and do whatever I want everyday. That would be fabulous, but boring. Aye, theres the rub. I would end up with a job just out of sheer boredom. And that wouldn't be any fun at all.

Today I have a fabulous excuse for not getting anything accomplished. I am helping a sick friend. Nasty bug, has knocked her on her ass like you wouldn't believe. So, today I will just be here and be available to get her water or jell-o or whatever she would like. Hope I don't catch it.

Just another Manic Monday....

But not really, because I am unemployed. I don't have anywhere I have to be, nothing I have to do. So why am I awake and alert and in front of the computer at 7am? I have no freaking clue. I do have to remind myself that this weekend was daylight saving time and we all gained an hour, but still, would I normally be up at 8 if I didn't have to work? Doubt it. So I will sip my coffee and enjoy my peace until Miles wakes up (he is definitely my child and LOVES to sleep). Once he is up my day will officially begin. I will take him to daycare but then I plan to come home and be a quasi domestic goddess and at least get caught up on the laundry and maybe vacuum the floors.

I did put in a job application last week with the city. Its an office position and I think it sounds great. I like the variety of office work but also that it has a routine and a flow to the day. And as crazy at it sounds, I love paperwork. I could type and organize and file all day. Offices have order and I like order. So, we will see what comes of that. The posting closed Friday, it could be anytime between now and 4 weeks from now for me to hear from them. There really is no predictability in the job market. But, the search continues.....

Ok, I need coffee........

Around and around we go

So I am on the internet looking for jobs and I find a great job that I would love to do and I can apply online, even better!! I click on the link - and it is broken. I go to the company's homepage and it says, "this site is currently being used to take applications" and includes a link that says "apply online" so I click and surprise surprise, the link is broken. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. Besides, the job in is Mt Angel, and although a beautiful little town that I enjoy visiting, do I really want to drive out there everyday?

The search continues. Application #1 is complete and I will drop it off as soon as I am showered and dressed.

Might be time for a nap after that...

Who knew unemployment would be so much work?

When you picture being unemployed there is a vision of sleeping late, watching tv and generally sitting around occasionally making a half hearted attempt to find a job, but usually getting distracted by the comics while looking for the classifieds. That is so not true. I will admit, I slept late this morning, and well yesterday too, but I realized how much I need to do to get my life in order so that I can find that great job that will not only pay me enough to pay my bills but also be fulfilling and worthwhile to go to everyday.

So far today I have registered for unemployment, paid bills, researched IRA's, worked on my resume, did some work for the board I am a member of, and worked on my blog (why this actually feels productive I don't know, but it does). All after getting Miles up and to daycare. This afternoon I need to fill out a job application that is due tomorrow and meet with the financial guy at the bank to talk about the aforementioned IRA. Whew.

And I really should clean my house. After all, I am unemployed, what else do I have to do all day? Better put bon bons on my shopping list.....

Mmmmmm, bon bons........