I am sitting here at home on my day off all alone and feeling lonely and sorry for myself because none of my friends ever email me and rarely update their blogs and "How am I supposed to feel connected to them if they don't do those things!?!" and then I realize, hmmm, I haven't posted on my blog in forever, and i rarely email my friends, I am even worse about calling them on the phone. If I want to be connected then I need to reach out. Duh! Maybe I should just go visit people in person.
We are such a technological society that if we don't have an electronic connection to people then we feel cut off. When I was a teenager I drove all over the state of Alaska by myself in my old beat up subaru with no cell phone, no gps, not even a printout from google maps. How often did I get lost or take much longer on these little adventures than planned? All the time, did people worry? Maybe, but it was the way it was. You let someone know approximately where you were going anf approximately when you would be back and off into the wilderness. But now, I have a 35 minute drive to work and I get freaked out that I have no cell reception for part of the drive, like maybe half of it. "what would happen if I broke down?" the real question is what happened to the adventurous brave little creature I used to be? I used to love being alone, driving out to N. Kenai and sitting on the beach at Captain Cook State Park just reading, writing, looking at the ocean. The simple joy of climbing on the rocks and being the "wild Molly in her natural habitat" that my friends used to tease me about. I am missing her.....
Several months ago I attended a workshop on how to do a job search, I likened it to a rehabilitate and release program for wildlife. I felt like a wounded animal, caught in an oil spill that had to be taken in, cleaned up, trained to fend for myself and then set free back into the wilderness. Now that I am successfully living out here I am starting to wonder if I have really been released into some sort of artificial habitat, one that looks real and feels real but isn't truly letting me be my wild self. Or perhaps I just need to find the way to be the alpha and be the one to make the choices for my pack....
1 comment:
I'm pretty sure we've all been released into a zoo enclosure where we're supposed to think it's our natural habitat. I miss my wild self all the time. I'm still searching, still trying to figure it out, so if I can't offer you anything else, I can tell you that you're not alone :)
And I've been trying to update my blog, but so much has happened at this point that I don't even know where to begin...so I give up and decide to go see if my handlers will give me a muffin...
Post a Comment