wine is the answer

and not necessarily just the drinking of it. I was out pruning today on the property we are working on buying and I realized all of a sudden how at peace I was and how I really didn't want to leave. Something about working with the vines and being outside has an amazing effect on my mood and general happiness. Miles is happy out there too. I can't wait until the property is fully ours and we can let the little boys make themselves at home and teach them where they can be and where they cannot. I want to be able to get up from my desk and go for a walk on the property to clear my head and balance myself. I need it.

I am not happy these days, not content in any way. I go through each day on auto pilot, being nice when I need to be, coming home exhausted to the point where I don't even want to watch a tv show with my husband let alone be romantic or interested in anything else with him. He is feeling neglected and lonely with my new schedule, coming home between 630 & 7 each night is definitely a change in our daily routine. And I don't have the energy or resources to help him adjust when I am having such a time adjusting myself. I know that once Sorelle is up and running that my time will be eaten up and at certain times I will be working incredibly long days and weeks in order to get things done. But the difference will be that I can have my family there with me when needed and I can see them and not be at the beck and call of big corporate job.

Don't get me wrong, my job as a bank teller is working for me at the moment, I am good at it, I am doing well, but its not my career or any place I want to be for long. I love the people I am working with, for the most part. The store manager is fabulous, I think she is not only a genuinely good person but she is funny and good to work with, she gives feedback in a constructive positive way that I can understand. The other teller and the banker are both very sweet and I enjoy their company and appreciate their help and support with work stuff. The service manager is a nice person and I like her, but, she doesn't have very good people skills and I think she often comes off as rude or abrupt when really she just isn't taking the time to think about how she sounds. I often feel like I am in trouble or have screwed up when really all she is doing is asking me if I remembered to do something. I do feel I am turning into a sales weasel, so much of the job is trying to sell things to every customer. I am succeeding, and doing very well for a new teller, but man I really don't like selling crap to folks. For the most part it is banking products that if they use will only help them, but I worry all the time that they don't really understand and are just signing up because we tell them they should...I did get to go to a Blazers game for free though and sit in the bank suite, it was awesome, tons of food and a pretty good game. Mitch and I had a nice night.

All I can do is bide my time and get through it, Sorelle will be up and running soon, I will then be able to do work I will love and live my life they way I want. Thank the universe for the vines, my time there is truly my only time at peace, I am surprised I hadn't realized that before today......

peace out (yeah, yeah, I know, but it seems appropriate)