Job Opening

All in all I have been doing fairly well with the loss of my father. That may be an exaggeration. But anyway, what I mean is I haven’t had too many moments where I have thought of or needed him and then had to remind myself that he is gone. It has happened a couple of times, but not much. Last week however I was driving home from work and my car tried to overheat on me. I started to cycle through the Molly Memory Bank on what to do when the car has a problem. This is what I found:

Step 1: Stay Calm – Okay, did that.
Step 2: Call Dad – oh wait, can’t do that – oops, there goes step one.

There was no step 3. What was I supposed to do now? My brain started to scroll through the rolodex of people. My brother crossed my mind, he is a lot like my Dad, he would know what to do. But he would also give me crap about it. Then again so would my Dad. My boss, he would probably know what to do, he is a nice guy, he would understand that I needed help and had no-one else to call. (oh, in case you are wondering I didn’t call my husband simply because he was on a movie shoot and I didn’t want to disturb him, or make him worry). In the end I didn’t call anyone. I went to Sears Automotive, they were no help at all. They directed me to the place across the street. In the end I got some assistance and some advice and the next morning the car didn’t overheat on my way to work. My underlying problem in all of this was: What am I supposed to do when the person I need is my Dad and he is not there?

In the last several years it has not been often that I would call my Dad for advice or help. But when I needed him, he was more or less there. Even if he didn’t really know the answer I could still throw those questions at him that Dad’s are supposed to know. He would harass me gently for not knowing what to do and then give some advice that although was often not the perfectly correct answer it would help me get to the place to find the right one. Now I have blank spot on my list of people to call for certain kinds of problems. Should I post an ad on craigslist for someone new to fill that position? Should I randomly pick a friend or other family member? There are plenty of people in my life that are happy to help me when I need it, I am certainly not at a loss for good friends and awesome family.

I think the basic issue is: I don’t need someone to help me solve problems, I need my Dad.